


Silence and Sound

by aastrophyllites



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Anger, Angst, Blood, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, Ging is a horrible father, Gon Freecs Needs a Therapist, Gon Freecs needs a hug, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memories, Mild Gore, Murder, Pain, Platonic Relationships, Romantic Soulmates, Sad Ending, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Trauma, Until it isn't, Violence, can be read as either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aastrophyllites/pseuds/aastrophyllites
Summary: Killua was somehow always able to still the thoughts in Gon’s head, no matter how loud.(A look into Gon's mind and the memories he relives when Killua calls his name at the end of his fight with Pitou.)
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Kaito | Kite, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Silence and Sound

**Author's Note:**

> so after episode 131 i decided to take a 2 day break from watching hxh during which i wrote this to put myself through even More pain instead of recovering :)
> 
> anyways i have not written fanfiction since i was in 6th grade so this is Definitely rusty lol so constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged!! also i have yet to finish the chimera ant arc so i am sorry if this isn't canon-compliant with what happens after episode 131.
> 
> and since i know i have read my fair share of fanfiction before finishing a series: MAJOR CHIMERA ANT ARC SPOILERS!!! do not read this if you haven't watched episode 131!!

“GON!”

Silence. 

For the first time since the palace invasion,  _ since leaving Kite _ , Gon’s endless tirade of thoughts had finally ceased. Strange, how after such a buildup of noise, his name was all it took to silence the sonata of wrath in his head. Staring down at his severed arm impaled into Pitou’s headless, lifeless body as his aura exploded from the empty spot his arm once was in a light that resembled the sun, it was almost peaceful. Almost. Killua was somehow always able to still the thoughts in Gon’s head, no matter how loud.

_ Killua _ .  _ He’s here. _

“ _ I’m Killua. _ ”

The silence was replaced with a symphony of color. Memories flood his mind seemingly all at once. Pillow fights and learning how to skateboard and fighting alongside each other. Striving to earn their spots as Hunters. Being told that Killua was the only one out of their group to fail. Learning of his past. Learning of what Illumi forced him to do. Going to rescue his best friend from the people who had convinced him he was some kind of monster.

“ _ I’m Gon! _ ”

Laughing and playing and showing Killua his favorite spot to just sit and watch the birds fly by on Whale Island. Eating dinner with Aunt Mito and giggling late into the night underneath the covers of Gon’s bed. Being kids, for seemingly the first time in their lives.

“ _ You were my first friend. _ ”

Sitting underneath the stars, talking of dreams and aspirations. The night they decided they would stick together and Killua would help Gon find Ging in any way he could. Back when they knew nothing of the tragedies that lie ahead of them.

“ _ We can travel around and see the world together! _ ”

September. They’re trapped in a room with no escape and Killua offers himself up as a decoy. A fight that is nothing more than a mere distraction to keep Nobunaga’s attention away from Gon. He’s prepared to die as long as it means Gon will make it out alive.

“ _ Don’t talk about dying like it’s nothing! _ ”

But they make it out. Both of them. Gon finds a solution even when there doesn’t seem to be one to make sure they both survive to see another day.

“ _ It’s my job to say crazy stuff. Your job is to stay cool and stop me. _ ”

Then they met Bisky, who continued to train the two while going into more depth about what nen really is. And even though Gon notices Killua is seemingly ahead of him, Killua never says so. He believes in him. Believes in his strength. His abilities. Killua believes he is strong, even when Gon can’t believe it himself.

“ _ It has to be Killua. _ ”

The battle against Razor. A test from Ging. A test of Gon’s strength. A test of Gon’s determination. He had to win. He had to prove himself. _ If I can’t win now, how am I ever supposed to be worthy enough to meet Ging? _ Killua understood this without Gon ever having to voice it. This was important to Gon, meaning it was important to Killua as well. And because of that Killua allowed himself to be injured. He was aware of the damage it was going to cause, aware of the consequences his hands were going to face, but regardless, he held the ball. He held the ball for Gon.

“ _ Accompany on! _ ”

Surprisingly, it was Kite, not Ging. Kite who, years ago, had saved Gon from a stupid, reckless mistake that would’ve killed him. Kite who was there for him when Ging wasn’t able to be. He introduced them to these  _ monsters _ : Chimera Ants. Everything felt different than before. Darker. More sinister. Hisoka, Genthru, the Troupe: they all paled in comparison to these horrifying creatures.  _ People _ . They were eating _ people. _ Entire villages were demolished by these things that were meant to be nothing more than insects. This wasn’t about finding Ging. The entirety of humanity was at stake. Find the queen. That was the goal. Get to the queen before the king is born. Execute the queen and all of this will stop. They traveled for a long time and it was once they could just barely see the nest, that Kite froze.

“ _ Get away from me! _ ”

The deafening sound of fractured bone, tendons and skin being torn to shreds, the splatter of blood, the thud of Kite’s arm,  _ his severed arm,  _ hitting the ground behind Gon, the sharp intake of breath from Gon and Killua beside him, and then silence.  _ I know this feeling. _ Terror. Paralyzed with fear and confusion and  _ fury _ . Gon could do nothing but stare as the empty place where Kite’s left arm was supposed to be gushed a fatal amount of blood onto the forest floor.  _ Kite’s arm. _ His attention directed itself towards the perpetrator. A mixture of anger, guilt, and regret filled Gon’s entire being.  _ This is my fault. We should have left when he told us to. This is my fault. We should have never come along in the first place. This is my fault. How could I be so stupid? This is all my fault. ...No, it’s that thing’s fault. Attack. I have to save him. I have to- _

“ _ Killua...Thanks. _ ”

It was okay.  _ Kite is alive. _ They just had to prove themselves and get back into NGL.  _ Kite is alive.  _ They would get to Kite and they would save him.  _ Kite is alive.  _ He was waiting for them.  _ Kite is alive.  _ He isn’t himself right now, but that’s okay, they would get him back to normal.  _ Kite is alive.  _ They just had to find Pitou and force it to change him back.  _ Kite is alive.  _ They just had to wait for the palace invasion.  _ Kite is alive.  _ They just had to wait. It was okay.  _ Kite is alive. _

“ _ Since it means nothing to you. _ ”

It wasn’t fair. _Why is it healing her after everything it did to Kite?_ _Why is Killua just believing what it says? Why am I supposed to listen to what this monster wants? I thought they were after all humans. So why just Kite? Why Kite and not her?_ He couldn’t understand. _I am so sick and tired of waiting. I want Kite back. I need Kite back. How am I supposed to just sit around and wait when this is all my fault in the first place?_ Gon was filled with a rage far stronger than during their first encounter with Pitou. He sought vengeance. _It deserves to suffer._ For the first time in his life, he felt malice towards another being.

“ _ We’re here to get Kite back! Pull it together! _ ”

Four words. All it took was four words. And Killua was gone.

“ _ I am sorry. _ ”

_ Kite is alive. What a stupid thought. What a childish fantasy.  _ How could he be so naive?  _ It’s my fault. Kite is dead and it’s all my fault. _ He was wracked with guilt and despair. The sound of his tears hitting the floor and his quiet cries echoed throughout the room.  _ Kite is dead and it’s all my fault. If only I had been stronger. If only I had been smarter. If only I had been good enough. He would still be alive. _

“ _ I must kill you. _ ”

_ Avenge him. Just like he taught you. _

“ _ Gon, is that you? _ ”

_ Killua _ .

_ He’s here. _

_ He came back. _

_ Of course he did. _

_ Funny, I don’t think I’ve ever heard his footsteps before. _

“ _ It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt.” _

He was being genuine. He couldn’t feel the pain. He couldn’t even feel the blood dripping from the gaping wound on his shoulder as his aura filled the space his right arm once was in a bright light. He had a duty to fulfill.

“ _ First comes rock…” _

“GON!”

_ Killua _ .

_ He sounds scared. _

Killua who came to rescue him right when Gon needed him most. Killua who put his life on the line to save Gon’s more than once. Killua who has been beside Gon since the beginning. Killua who cares about him and believes in him and is proud of him for staying true to himself even when the world around them is full of evil. Killua who came to save him from his own stupid, reckless mistake.  _ Just like _ -

… _ What have I done? _

Tears streamed down his face as Gon turned his head to look at his best friend. His savior. The one person who no matter what Gon said or did, still stayed by his side. How could he be so stupid? How could he be so selfish? How could he not realize that even after shoving him to the side, Killua was still there to save him from himself? The light continued to grow, mirroring the sun. There’s no turning back. _No. No. Please_. _This can’t be it._ _I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to die_. And in that split second, Gon finally understood. _I have to tell him._ But he was out of time. _I can’t die without telling him._

“Killua-“

The light stretched to the surrounding area, similar to the explosion of a star at the end of its life, once it had exhausted all it had left. A cacophony of noise: the splitting of wood off the trees, the tremble of the ground, the thundering sound of his aura exploding from his body, but Gon tuned it all out as he could only focus on the sound of Killua’s blood-curdling scream,  _ he sounds just like- _

“ _ I’m glad you came with me. No, I’m glad I got to know you! _ ”

Silence.

**Author's Note:**

> was he going to say "i love you"? "i'm sorry"? "thank you for everything"? "it isn't your fault"? i guess we'll never know ;)
> 
> yes i cried a lot while writing this, mostly because i kept having to rewatch the scenes in order to make sure i had the details right :)) i am totally fine :)
> 
> but i hope you enjoyed reading this and again please share any constructive criticisms/suggestions!!
> 
> now if you'll excuse me i have an arc to finish. wish me luck :)


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